Evangelistic Friendship: The Biblical Approach
So far the concept of friendship evangelism has been analyzed and critiqued, but to be fair, we should ask whether there is a biblical alternative to friendship evangelism that somehow combines relationships with outreach in an honest, God-honoring way. Yes, there is.

As simple as it may sound, the biblical approach is actually friendship evangelism turned inside out. The best way to see this is to rename friendship evangelism to “evangelistic friendship.” You may say, “What’s the difference?” There is an enormous one.

Friendship evangelism is usually evangelism that is carried out only in the context of friendship. In this phrase, the word “friendship” indicates the type of evangelism. It is, therefore, the essential attribute of the evangelism, in the same way that in the phrase “macintosh apple” the word “macintosh” is an essential attribute of the apple, setting it apart from other apples. Thus, friendship is a necessary activity for this type of evangelism to exist. As such, the evangelism cannot occur without the friendship. No such type of evangelism is mentioned in the Bible, though.

Evangelistic friendship, on the other hand, is friendship that is pursued only in the context of evangelism. In this phrase, the word “evangelistic” indicates not only the type of friendship but also the essential, defining characteristic of that friendship. In this approach, evangelism is the catalyst through which the friendship occurs. Thus, without the evangelism the friendship will not take place. This approach is, in fact, substantiated in Scripture, particularly in 1 Thessalonians 2:1–12:

For you yourselves know, brethren, that our coming to you was not in vain, but after we had already suffered and been mistreated in Philippi, as you know, we had the boldness in our God to speak to you the gospel of God amid much opposition. For our exhortation does not come from error or impurity or by way of deceit; but just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not as pleasing men, but God who examines our hearts. For we never came with flattering speech, as you know, nor with a pretext for greed—God is witness—nor did we seek glory from men, either from you or from others, even though as apostles of Christ we might have asserted our authority. But we proved to be gentle among you, as a nursing mother tenderly cares for her own children. Having so fond an affection for you, we were well-pleased to impart to you not only the gospel of God but also our own lives, because you had become very dear to us. For you recall, brethren, our labor and hardship, how working night and day so as not to be a burden to any of you, we proclaimed to you the gospel of God. You are witnesses, and so is God, how devoutly and uprightly and blamelessly we behaved toward you believers; just as you know how we were exhorting and encouraging and imploring each one of you as a father would his own children, so that you would walk in a manner worthy of the God who calls you into His own kingdom and glory. (1 Thessalonians 2:1–12, emphasis added)

Notice that the relationship that Paul and Silas had with the Thessalonians was an evangelistic one. They did not hold back the gospel in favor of first building a relationship with them. On the contrary, they proclaimed it to the Thessalonians while they were working among them. It was a friendship that began and developed in the context of evangelism, was characterized by consistent evangelism, and took place because of the catalyst of evangelism.

Friendships that grow out of the evangelism, and not the other way around, are biblical. As pointed out already, deceiving one’s neighbor is a violation of one of the two greatest commandments. To avoid doing this, the intent to evangelize should be communicated clearly in some way at the outset of the relationship. Be open and up front with others about your intentions. Make known to them from the beginning that you are concerned about their soul and want to communicate the good news to them. If God is working in that individual’s heart, a genuine friendship will fall into place naturally. When that happens, the friendship is the result of the evangelism, and it will be a God-honoring relationship.

There is nothing wrong with friendship. It is a wonderful gift given to us by God, but like all of God’s gifts, it should be used wisely and properly. When friendship is used merely as a tool to accomplish a task, however, it is being misused. No matter how noble and right the goal, initiating and developing a relationship for any ulterior motive is dishonest, deceptive and unloving. The ends truly do not justify the means. If a friendship results from sharing the gospel, great! But don’t turn it around.

Scripture taken from the NEW AMERICAN STANDARD BIBLE^®, Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by the Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.